Lim's Dating Profile

Some pictures of me from the last two years!

For a while now I've said that I'll probably meet my next partner through my extended Twitter friend network, and I've decided to be more proactive about that. I'm currently single and open to all kinds of new connections, whether they end up being friendly or romantic!

I. Who I Am

I'm 36, queer, transgender, and I primarily date (and am most attracted to) femme-leaning women. At the top of this page are some recent pictures of me, and if you'd like to see more I did a video interview last year and you can hear as much of me talking as you'd like to on my hobby podcast Chaotic Thinking. You can learn a lot about me just by reading my articles on this blog.

I talk fast, enjoy learning and building, and my interests include writing, self-improvement, metaphysics, social issues, business, and technology. I also have a small and adorable cat who I love very much and who has been an awesome travel buddy.

If you like personality quizzes, I'm an ENTP, Aries ☀️/ Libra ⬆️/ Libra 🌙, and an 8-7 wing on the Enneagram. I feel like these descriptions all fit me fairly well.

II. What I Want

I value kindness, curiosity, humor, and creativity in my partners. I'd like to find someone who shares these values and wants to be in a mutually nourishing relationship where we can offer each other support, comfort, fun, and inspiration.

In the long term, an ideal match for me is going to be someone who's a spiritual collaborator: Not just sharing some of my interests and having similar values, but also curious and excited about her own creative passions and goals and wanting to share them with me as we build a life together. We're even better together than we are individually, and we help each other live our best possible lives.

I don't expect to find this relationship immediately or even recognize it right away when I see it, though! It takes time to get to know people and form deep and meaningful connections.

So in the short-to-medium term, I'm really just looking for companionship that has the potential to grow into more: someone to hang out with once or twice a week, go on fun dates, hang out and watch movies, cuddle, and talk about anything and everything together.

III. Date Ideas

I stay fit and enjoy traveling, but I usually prefer indoor or more social, relaxed activities to outdoor, high-intensity ones given the option. I'd rather lounge on a beach with a good book or go check out a local cultural event than fly out to Colorado for a weekend of snowboarding.

Some examples that sound like a "fun date" to me:

  • Just Vibing
    We go on a walk around the neighborhood, browse the local shops, get coffee, and talk about our lives: What we're thinking about lately, what we're excited or anxious about, where we're going, and how we got to where we are now.
  • Learning New Things
    We spend half a day experiencing something new together: Taking a class, playing with a new art medium, checking out a museum or a stage play or a weird hobby group, or trying to figure out how to build something fun and challenging together.
  • Making Our Own Fun
    Lots of possibilities here: We pick a movie we haven't seen and make bingo cards that fit the theme with a prize for the winner. We go thrift store shopping and see who can find the silliest outfit for the other person, which you both have to wear for an afternoon photoshoot. We spend an entire evening only allowed to talk to each other by writing in a single notebook, which we pass back and forth.
  • Suburban Cozy
    I make you dinner, you bring the wine, and we cuddle on the porch under a blanket and draw tarot cards that we use as inspiration to tell each other made-up stories.
  • Road Trip
    We get in a car on a sunny Saturday and take a three hour car ride to see something magical, stay at a cute Bed and Breakfast, and wake up somewhere unfamiliar and cozy for a morning walk through nature.

These are just some ideas, though! I'll try just about anything at least once.

IV. Big Life Stuff

We all have constraints, needs, goals, and deal-breakers. Here's my current position on some of the big life stuff that inevitably pops up in relationships.

Work

I'm a self-employed author, software developer, and business owner, and while my schedule is very flexible, I'm pretty committed to my projects. I see my work as creative play these days, and I spend most of my time either writing (essays or fiction), building (developing my projects), or learning more about something I'm curious about (in recent years that's been AI, crypto, and mysticism).

Anyone who dates me will need to be comfortable with me working for long periods of time in a very focused state, and I'm on my computer and phone a lot. I do enjoy co-working with people around and I'm happy to break away and chat, but my mind is almost always in ten places at once from the moment I get up to when I go to bed unless I'm making a conscious effort to be in the moment.

Relationship Style

If we're picking love languages, mine would absolutely be words of affirmation and physical touch. With people I'm close to I tend to be very cuddly, warm, playful, supportive, and expressive.

I value honesty and clarity in communication and tend to be (tactfully, kindly) direct about my feelings and my needs in my relationships. It's very important to me that I can be open with my partner about my feelings and that she can be open with me in a safe and supportive environment where the goal is collaborative resolution of any problems that pop up. In conflicts, I want to solve it by talking about it and working out a solution we both like as quickly as possible.

I've spent most of my adult life in long-term, monogamous relationships and it's the model I'm most familiar with, but I don't get jealous easily. I'm open to dating polyamorous people or just dating casually as well.

Physical intimacy is important to me, but sex isn't a huge primary driver. It's most important that I feel connected to my partner emotionally and intellectually, and I see physical intimacy of all kinds as a naturally occurring expression of that connection.

Children

Finding someone to raise children with is not a current priority in my life, although I like and am good with both kids and babies. If this was important to my partner it's something I'd consider, and I'm happy to date someone who already has children (although I tend to be very protective of kids and would want to navigate that relationship with the care and caution it deserves).

Novelty and Spontaneity

I tend to be happiest with people, places, and situations where I can always be learning and trying new things, have the freedom to explore, and can make fast decisions on a whim. Novelty can be created in any number of ways (hosting regular parties for friends, taking a last minute trip, experimenting with new hobbies, reading books, chatting on Twitter, or discussing cool ideas with my partner), but I've learned that I need a heavy dose of it to thrive. I need a partner for whom this also feels exciting instead of exhausting.

This perspective means my long-term goals and aspirations are (at best) fuzzily imagined right now. I'm really happy with where I'm at in my life at the moment, and all I know for sure is that I'd like to build more opportunities for happy synchronicity to come into my life: more creative exploration, lots of visits with friends, lots of experimentation, and continuing to grow and nurture the business ventures which allow me to do all of this.

I have no idea where I'm going to be or what I'm going to be doing in 10 years, and I'm perfectly okay with that as long as I'm able to keep moving toward my bliss.

V. If you'd like to say hello... 😊

If any of this sounds interesting to you and you think we might vibe, please don't be afraid to reach out and say hi! You either can click here to tell me a little bit about yourself or just email me directly.

If we're not the right fit for whatever reason, but you know someone who you think might be, please consider pointing them at this page or introducing us if she'd like you to! I'm always happy to make new friends whether or not it ends up being romantic.